i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
