come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
