she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize