I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
