Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
