He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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