Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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