my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
