do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
