Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
