I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
