Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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