You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
