so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Randomize
