I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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