im drinking this country out of the recession.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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