i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize