I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
