Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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