____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
