marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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