Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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