If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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