Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
