i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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