Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Holy sore nipples Batman
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
