Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
