Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
