Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
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