how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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