im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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