thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
