I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
