It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize