You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
