This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
