i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
