I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
