so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Is it because I queefed?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
