my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
