I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
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