im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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