Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
