i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
