You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
