okay pat passed out under dana's car
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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