I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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