I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
