Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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