You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
so let's talk penis.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize