Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
