She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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