Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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