Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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