In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
