Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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