My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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