I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
