how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
