My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I checked into jail on foursquare
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
