Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
