JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
