i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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