My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize