ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
