This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
