we're blogging at a bar
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Randomize
