he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
