Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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